In 1963, a young Elyse Sokol wrote down the following on a piece of paper, “When I grow up, I want to be a nurse so I can help the poor and sick and make them better.”
Today, the Natick-based therapist has fulfilled her childhood promise, providing invaluable guidance, support, healing, and encouragement to her community, work of particular importance in today’s increasingly challenging times.
Sokol became a nurse in 1980 and eventually made her way to psychotherapy arriving at the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. This method aims to help people identify and nurture the various internal actors or parts within the self. IFS acknowledges that we all have numerous and sometimes seemingly disparate elements that construct our personalities. When we feel tired, frustrated, or anxious, we are witnessing increased activity from the internal players of these different parts. By recognizing, listening, and advocating for constructive relationships between these parts, we might experience a more harmonious relationship with ourselves.
A self-described “relationship junkie,” Sokol is passionate about forging supportive connections to her clients and helping those that she works with understand the correlations and intricacies of the parts that IFS identifies. Fostering this internal balance within the individual can have far-reaching effects. “Any change that we can make within is going to immediately start rippling out, and the world needs that right now,” Sokol said.
Like many of us during recent months, Sokol’s work has shifted to remote and online platforms. While technological glitches and mishaps have certainly accompanied the move, there have been some unexpected rewards. Seeing people virtually within their home environments can bring a sense of intimacy that is not usually present in an office. Uncombed hair or family photos on the bookshelf behind a client allows an unexpected closeness that emerges from the separation of formality that we might encounter outside the home.
And while the setting has shifted, Sokol’s approach remains consistent. “Of course, there are challenges that are pandemic-specific, but if I back out, what I’m seeing is more intensified versions of what I was seeing before,” she says. The pandemic presents new sources of stress and trauma while exacerbating underlying anxieties, depression, and struggles with loneliness. Sokol is grateful to rely on the IFS methodology to help her clients through these challenges, “We are all immersed in one giant bubbling vat of trauma and stress…the recognition, acknowledgment, and validation of these parts at this time couldn’t be more needed,” she says. “How can we be compassionate with others if we are not with ourselves?”
How does a therapist cope as a person trying to navigate the same pandemic as your patients are navigating? “By constantly reminding myself (and clients) that I am doing it—living through it right alongside them,” she says. “So I need to make sure I do all the things for myself that I counsel my clients to do: the many practices that go into conscious self-care, including optimal connection with others.”
“One thing that has felt critical, even precious to me for my work-life specifically, is meeting regularly with certain trusted colleagues, something we call “peer supervision,” Sokol says. “My small group began early on in the pandemic to meet longer and more often—weekly now.”
Sokol finds vast renewal and strength in her work. She is thrilled to have a career in which she able to help others and enjoy doing so. This, she says, is the fuel that powers her through each day. Yet as we all need a little extra support these days, Sokol is greatly thankful for the nourishment that she receives from her peer supervision group, a small gathering of therapists that meets regularly to discuss and reflect on their work.
As COVID-19 continues to course through our cities and towns, bringing with it the tension of uncertainty, Sokol offers a renewed look at how to care for ourselves and our communities. “Maybe we just claim moments of contentment and appreciation,” she says. “Maybe we soften a bit. Claim any moment. We can find peace and connection with others. Don’t just let that pass by.”
