Many parents are familiar with the “Cry It Out” method (or CIO) of sleep training their babies. This term originated in the 1985 book Solve Your Children’s Sleep Problems by pediatrician Richard Ferber (CIO is also referred to as The Ferber Method.)

CIO is not for everyone, as Little Children Schoolhouse parent Deanna told us. Deanna’s older child, 2 year-old M. (Deanna asked that only her child’s first initial be used) “is the type of kid that will literally cry for hours for several days in a row.”

Whether or not you’ve tried CIO, sleep training is definitely one of the most challenging tasks parents face. It’s not surprising that sleep-deprived moms and dads get frustrated when they find it difficult to help their babies drift off into that peaceful slumber that they themselves so long for!

But if you’ve been unsuccessful with the CIO method (or don’t want to try it to begin with), what other sleep training methods are there?

What Parents Have Tried That Worked (and What Didn’t)

Little Children Schoolhouse mom Casey told us she tried “a little bit of everything,” including CIO, before finding the method that worked for her two kids: Emma, 5, and Christopher, 1.

She rattled off a list of methods she tried: “Keeping them well fed before they went to bed, including waking them up to feed them and giving them bottles with oatmeal or rice cereal before bed; vaporizers (including vaporizers with scented lavender oil); rocking and singing; soft music in the room (i.e. classical at a very low volume); lavender scented cream before bed; lovies and a teddy bear and a nightlight.”

Many of these approaches helped—to differing degrees. “I think having them go to sleep on a full stomach always helps, even if you have to wake them up to feed them.” Casey reflected, “Feeding comforts them and no one likes to be hungry!”

She added, “I like to sing songs and rock until they are soothed, but not until they have gone to sleep so hopefully they will fall asleep by themselves in their cribs. I am not a fan of bringing the baby into one’s own bed—it scares me too much. Both kids always slept in their own cribs and still to this day we try to have a pretty strict rule that no kids sleep in our bed.”

Vaporizers also helped; Casey said she believed her kids took to the sound and they helped the air quality.

Lovies—the stuffed toys or blankets that kids can hold onto for comfort—“definitely worked” for Casey. “Both of my kids are still very attached to their lovies—don’t know what I would do without them!”

She said using scents like lavender didn’t really make a difference. Casey also experimented with CIO, but found it too jarring, “Maybe it would have worked if I had been tougher, but I found it hard to hear them scream for so long. It was not worth it for my sanity!” Instead, she tried letting them cry for five minutes and then coming in to their room to rock them for three minutes and repeating the process a few more times until the child fell asleep.

Mom Deanna agreed that CIO was not an ideal method, “We did cry it out with our oldest when she was one or so. It worked well but it was torture on me and she was very headstrong.”

“I tried to do the method where you let them cry for 10 minutes and then come in and reassure them and leave again and that really seemed to make things worse. She would get much angrier when she saw me, and it just prolonged the crying. I think seeing me walk into the room made her feel that she had a chance at “winning”—that I would stay until she fell asleep—so she would work even harder at achieving her goal! With her in particular and her strong personality, it was important to be firm.”

When Deanna’s older daughter was two, Deanna tried a different approach to sleep training. She explained that M. liked when Deanna would hold her hand as she drifted off to sleep, which sometimes meant holding her hand for a half an hour or more.

“So on the first night, I told her that I wouldn’t hold her hand, but I would stay with her and sing to her. So I stood next to her bed and sang, “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” until she fell asleep. The next day, I stood next to the door, still inside her room, and again sang until she fell asleep. On the third night, I went outside the door and closed it, and sang “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” for literally an hour outside her room while she fell asleep! But then on the fourth night, she only required about five minutes of singing before she calmed down, and after that she was falling asleep by herself.”

Deanna was delighted to find a method that worked and was less stressful (to both parent and child) than CIO. “I definitely didn’t expect it to work as well as it did but it was so much better for us than CIO.”

Sleep Training Relapse

It can be exhilarating when parents hit on the sleep training method that works for their child. But they should anticipate the occasional ‘relapse.’ Deanna experienced this when her daughter M. got sick.

“She legitimately required me to check in on her several times a night, and then as she recovered she continued to expect me to wake up for her every couple of hours. We retrained with a short course of “cry it out” except at this point she wasn’t really crying, just whining until she fell asleep. I think by this point she knew the expectations about nighttime sleep, and so it was easier for her to accept that things would go back to the way they were before she got sick.”

Children will also experience different phases as they grow, which may interfere with their sleep training. Casey experienced this with her son, Christopher.

“My daughter was much more challenging than my son at first, but in the toddler phase my son has been more difficult. He goes through periods now when he will still wake up in the middle of the night for no real reason. I still give him milk and rock him and put him back down. I only get him if he cries more than 5 minutes, if not I try to wait it out and let him get back to sleep on his own.”

There Isn’t a Universal Sleep Training Method

When it comes to sleep training, there is no one-size-fits-all method. Each child is a unique little human being; they are not all going to respond to the same techniques of sleep training. A method that worked successfully for one child may not be effective when attempted with their sibling. To avoid feeling frustrated if siblings do not respond in the same way to the same methods, just keep in mind how much you love and appreciate how each of your children is special and unique, with their own tastes and temperaments.

It’s also common for the parent of a second child to find sleep training easier than when they were a new parent struggling to get it ‘right.’

Casey agreed, “Everything was easier with my second child—this was probably because I was more experienced and knew that things would get easier. I have learned with the second child to be a bit more patient knowing that about half the time they can get themselves back to sleep.”

About the Author:

Gladys Ruiz is the Director of Little Children Schoolhouse in Brookline, MA.  After more than 10 years working in Early Childhood Education, Gladys opened the Little Children Schoolhouse to provide a nurturing, loving environment—an extension of her student’s home and family life—in Brookline. Pre-K, Preschool and Daycare programs for toddlers and infants include extra activities, such as weekly music, yoga, cooking, science activities, and field trips.  Both full day and part-time enrollment are available